Ann's Story

"Survivor of Domestic Violence"

 A young woman full of dreams and aspirations, waiting for a new form of life to begin. Fresh out of high school and a steady boyfriend 8 years my senior, I thought I owned the world. 

Unfortunately he became possessive and jealous. He wanted me only for himself and began stalking me at work and tried to date rape me. I ended the situation before it became it worse. 

In college I dated a few guys on and off. During that time I became a victim of date rape. I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Although I know I didn't deserve to be raped, I never reported it to the authorities. 

It was during my junior year I met a most athletic, intelligent, and charming man. We met through mutual friends and we seemed to be an almost perfect match. He treated me like a queen and never a harsh word was uttered. After a very short dating period, we were engaged to be married. 

Despite concerns from family and close personal friends, I did not hesitate in making plans for our wedding. I tried to reassure everyone that i knew what I was doing. "We are in love!" My best friend tried to get me to check into his background and I told her not to worry. 

8 months later we were wed in a chapel near my hometown. The flowers and photographer were in place, music played and we were announced husband and wife. Due to a long photography session, we were unable to eat dinner with our guests. Instead we changed clothes and headed out of town for our honeymoon.

We arrived at our hotel and he immediately wanted sex. My exact words were, "I need to grab a bite to eat so I can take my medicine. Then we can get comfortable." In that instant, my life has changed forever. I became a victim of spouse abuse, having not been married more than 3 hours.

It became apparent that he was angered by not having his way. He rattled off every name in the book and I rushed to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Crouched between the toilet and the door, I cried and begged God "not to let me die." 20 minutes later he apologized and convinced me it was due to wedding stress. I believed him......And so started the cycle of abuse....

Some people have asked why didn't I just leave. At the time he prevented me from leaving with threats to myself and thus my family. Threats were accompanied by beatings, followed by more threats. He kept constant tabs on my whereabouts and how much money I had at all times. When I began making friends at a new job, he would make me quit.

He was always careful not to bruise my face as so not to be detected while out in public. Instead he would punch and kick other parts of my body that could be covered with clothing. I had to cut my hair a certain way so that I would be unattractive to other men, a short boyish style. How I missed my long beautiful hair.

So toward the end of the marriage, I began making friends and hiding money in various places. I got stronger in my resolve to get out somehow. I knew for own sake that I needed to get out soon as his temper grew to enormous proportions.

The marriage ended in divorce as he grew tired of me. I was forced to sign divorce papers without having read them first. That week was the last time I was beaten up.

In the 7 years of abuse I was robbed of my self esteem, self worth, 2 babies in utero miscarriages per abuse, and escaped death 3 times. It was quite difficult for me to associate to the outside world and often found myself apologizing even when I did nothing wrong. I had to reprogram myself to understanding that I didn't deserve the abuse and I was not to blame.

To this day, I still have flashbacks but have gotten to the point that I know, they only stem from past memories. It is all a part of healing cycle.

As a advocate against domestic violence, I speak to groups about abuse and ways to help others in hurtful situations. No one has to settled for abuse. I will not let my abuse be in vain, but rather save someone from the domestic violence name.

If you would like to join a support group online, or speak with me directly...please check out: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dv-angelwings/ .

God Bless!

Ann

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